Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
