so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
