I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
