"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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