She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Girls should come with a carfax report
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
