3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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