im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
