I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
