You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize