bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
