Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
