yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
