What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
