We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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