i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
