dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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