Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
