Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
