Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
