I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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