I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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