I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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