2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
