I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
