Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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