people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
