I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
