Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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