all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
