glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
