he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
