Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
