my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
