you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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