I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
