Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
