You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
