We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Help. Why am I so naked?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
