Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize