Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
