Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
