Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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