I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
