omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
