his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I pour the whiskey from now on
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
