Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
