i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
