Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
