Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
