Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize