he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
