in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
