Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
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