I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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