like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
