I just cut my nipple shaving
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
