do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
