It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
