Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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