our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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