I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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