I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
