just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize