i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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