why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
