We got so high we made milksteak
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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