Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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