I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
