nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
