I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We had sex on a dog bed..
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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