Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
