did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
