Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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