I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
