Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
40s are totally the cure
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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