clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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