and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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