So drunk its hurt
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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