ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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