What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
