meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
