hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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