You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
