some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
