I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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