proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
