Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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