Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
