so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
