I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
