Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize