I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
