Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
