the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize