just tell him i said nine months
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
