i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
