It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
